I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
