I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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