the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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