I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
