I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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