If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
