Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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