So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
