he puts the penis in happiness.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
