So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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