whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
