so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
