He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
