highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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