I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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