I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
