I got chris browned last night
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
