How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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