Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
