the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
