i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
