Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The Olympian is in my bed
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
