I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You were trust falling into bushes
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
