Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize