I'm eating all of the evidence.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
