Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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