I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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