i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
