Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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