my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
