Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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