That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
