It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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