I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
