I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
