I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
