Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
