i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
