did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize