During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize