Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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