she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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