Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
