3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
