turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
