It's Friday. Sex?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
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