If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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