Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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