By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
