I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
