I love black thongs
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Randomize
