so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
