Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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