Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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