I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
