cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
