he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Be still, my beating vagina.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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