So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
