I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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