I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
