You're completely useless in the revolution.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize