Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize