Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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