Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I can't turn off my feet"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
