I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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