I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
