my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
