I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
