Already got asked if we're dating
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
