he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize